Choosing a coach whose style actually fits you

You've found three coaches with solid credentials. One specialises in career transitions, another in relationships, and a third takes a broader wellness angle. All three have testimonials and reasonable rates. So why does picking between them feel stuck?

Because credentials and cost aren't what makes a coach actually useful to you. What matters is whether their *way of working* matches how you learn and what you need right now. A coach who's brilliant at holding someone accountable through daily check-ins might feel suffocating if you need space to think. One who asks deep questions about your values might frustrate you if you just need tactical steps forward. Getting this match right saves time, money and the disappointment of quitting halfway through.

Coaching philosophy: directive versus reflective

Coaches sit somewhere on a spectrum between telling you what to do and asking questions that help you find your own answers. Neither is wrong; it depends on what you're after.

Some coaches are quite directive. They listen to your situation, offer their view on what's holding you back, suggest concrete actions, and check that you've done them. This works well if you're overwhelmed, stuck in analysis paralysis, or dealing with a clear practical problem—like restructuring your daily routine or preparing for a specific conversation. You leave each session knowing exactly what to do.

Others are more reflective. They ask careful questions, listen for patterns, and help you uncover what *you* actually want beneath the surface noise. They'll rarely tell you what to do. This approach suits people who are unclear about what they really want, who've been following someone else's script, or who tend to make decisions too quickly and regret them. You might leave a session with more questions than answers, but they're the *right* questions.

Many coaches blend both. The key is to notice which direction they lean in a first conversation, then ask yourself: does that match how I solve problems? If you're someone who needs permission to take action and someone cheering you on, a reflective coach might frustrate you. If you're someone who shuts down when told what to do, a directive coach might feel patronising.

Specificity of focus

One coach might say, "I work with people on life direction and wellbeing." Another says, "I help mid-career professionals move into roles that align with their values, and I've worked with 40+ people in tech transitioning to education or nonprofit sectors."

The second one isn't necessarily better—it depends on what you need. If you're trying to figure out whether to leave your job, you might benefit from someone who's deep in that specific terrain and has seen how those decisions play out. If you're exploring a messier question—how to be more authentic, or what's driving your anxiety—you might actually want someone with a wider lens who doesn't assume they know your answer.

Ask coaches directly: what *kinds* of people do they work with most, and what specific outcomes have they seen? Listen for whether they're claiming they can solve anything, or whether they're honest about their edges. A coach who says, "I'm not the right fit if you're looking for help with clinical anxiety—that needs a therapist first" is showing good judgment.

Rhythm and structure that holds

Does the coach offer weekly sessions, fortnightly, or does it vary? Do they expect you to bring a specific focus each time, or do you figure it out together? Will they send you things to work on between sessions, or is the session itself the main event? Do they follow up if you miss a session, or is that on you?

These details sound procedural but they shape whether coaching actually sticks. If you're someone who thrives with structure and accountability, a coach who gently checks in via WhatsApp between sessions might be essential. If you're someone who feels nagged by too much contact, that same approach might drain your motivation. Some people need a contract that locks in a commitment; others feel more open when they can pause without guilt.

Before committing, ask coaches to describe a typical engagement: how many sessions, over what period, and what happens if life gets messy and you need to pause. Notice whether their answer makes you feel held or constrained.

Getting this match right—philosophy, specificity, and rhythm—is the difference between a coach who genuinely shifts how you move forward and one who sits in the background while you're still figuring it out. On Strove, you can read detailed descriptions of coaches' approaches and get a feel for who they work with best. Take time with that matching process; it's the hardest part done right.