How to choose a therapist when you've never been before

You've decided therapy might help, but the thought of picking someone to talk to about your life feels paralyzing. The internet offers thousands of names, each with credentials you don't quite understand and bios that say nothing useful. How do you know who's actually right for you?

Start by accepting that choosing a therapist is not like hiring a plumber. You can't judge purely on credentials or cost. You need to sense whether this person is someone you can trust with difficult things. That said, a few concrete factors will narrow your search and protect your time and money.

Modality matters more than you think

Therapists work in different ways—cognitive-behavioural, psychodynamic, humanistic, solution-focused. You don't need to become an expert, but you do need to know whether the approach fits what you're seeking.

If you're dealing with specific anxiety or unwanted habits, ask whether the therapist uses cognitive-behavioural techniques. If you're trying to understand patterns in your relationships or your past, psychodynamic work might resonate. If you want someone who listens deeply without trying to "fix" you quickly, humanistic therapy often appeals. A good therapist will explain their main approach plainly. If their answer sounds like jargon, that's a signal to keep looking.

Don't assume you know what you need. Many people think they want "someone to tell me what to do" and later realize they needed space to work things out. When you contact a potential therapist, ask them what modality they primarily use and why they'd use it for your situation. Their answer tells you whether they're thinking about fit or just accepting your business.

Practical logistics that actually affect whether you'll go

The best therapist in the world is useless if you cancel half your sessions because the time doesn't suit you or the location takes an hour to reach. Be realistic about what you'll sustain.

Ask about their typical session length, whether they offer evening or weekend slots, and whether they offer online, in-person, or both. If you have load-shedding anxiety about getting to an office or internet reliability concerns about video calls, say so. A therapist who can work flexibly matters. Also ask about their cancellation policy—good therapists usually require notice, and that's fair, but know the terms before you're in a bind.

If you're using medical aid, confirm they accept your scheme and understand how many sessions your cover allows. Nothing derails therapy faster than discovering mid-course that you've hit your limit.

Whether you feel heard in the first conversation

Many therapists offer a free or low-cost initial call. Use it. Don't interrogate them; just notice whether they listen more than they talk. Notice whether they ask follow-up questions or jump to explaining what they'd do. Notice whether they acknowledge that starting therapy is nerve-wracking.

A good first conversation doesn't mean you'll click forever—therapy relationships evolve. But a therapist who makes you feel rushed, judged, or like a case file rather than a person is a sign to move on. Trust that instinct. You're not being rude; you're being wise. Therapy only works if you're willing to be vulnerable, and you can't be vulnerable with someone who doesn't make you feel safe.

Credentials and accountability

Ask whether the therapist is registered with the HPCSA (Health Professions Council of South Africa) if they're a psychologist or with relevant professional bodies if they're a counsellor. Ask how long they've been in practice. None of this guarantees good chemistry, but it tells you they've committed to standards.

If at any point a therapist breaches confidentiality without your consent, behaves unethically, or makes you uncomfortable in ways that feel inappropriate, you have recourse. Knowing the therapist is registered means there's a body you can approach. That matters.

Choosing a therapist is a small act of self-respect—you're saying your wellbeing is worth time and thought. Don't rush it. If the first person isn't right, you're allowed to try someone else. On Strove, you can compare verified therapists in your area, read what others have valued about them, and get quotes before you commit. Take that advantage.